Damn govmnt don't provide swimmin' pools wit' 'ese houses!

So you steal a riding lawnmower from work to convince a co-worker that it can in fact be stolen the way he's been parking it. Fair enough. You really, really meant to return it. But then the cops are called in to investigate, so you decide to not return it for fear of losing your job. You panicked.

What would most reasonable people do when they panic? Why, steal another riding lawnmower and two Bobcats, of course! He stole the equipment to build a pool at his home, which is government-subsidised housing. He wanted to build the dream backyard for his wife and 5 kids. That's right, this guy has 5 kids! He is a gold-star Unintelligent Design Award winner, setting us back in our evolution at least 25 years.

Oh, and he previously served 6 months in prison for stealing a $54,000 motorhome.

Click here to read the article.

It doesn't matter if you're a doctor, you're still eligible for this site.

This British woman is a doctor. It's a pretty impressive story so far, don't you think?

Let's continue. She's short. Her husband is short. Her daughter is short. Her 13-year-old son is normal height for his age. But she fears that he will also be short. He might be bullied if he's short. Logically, the solution is to fake some prescriptions and inject the boy with growth hormones, endangering your job and your son.

Won't he now be picked on because his mom is a fricking dumbass who committed fraud and lost her medical license trying to protect him by sticking needles in his ass?

As if we needed more confirmation that she really does deserve an Unintelligent Design Award, check this out. "(She) has a previous conviction for failure to stop after an accident caused by her careless driving."

Read the article here.

You couldn't even go 5 days without doing something dumb?

It appears that there is some Indian ritual in which a newborn baby is named a few days after birth. The ritual involves candles of one kind or another. So this family brings home their 5-day-old infant from the hospital. They cut open a coconut, and fill it with cotton and vegetable oil.

Do you see where this is going? If so, you're doing better than they were.

They light it on fire, and soon the entire room is on fire. To their credit, they put out the fire before the fire department arrived. Not to their credit, and qualifying them for an Unintelligent Design Award, their newborn baby had to return to the hospital with breathing difficulties caused by the smoke.

Read the article here.

F*** 'da po-lice!

So this guy doesn't like cops. He decides that the best thing to do would be to post a video on YouTube waving a gun, telling people to kill police officers and giving a few hints on how to do it. He had an "underage relative" hold a gun for a second video. This is enough to qualify him as a dumbass.

He also decided that it would be great to have his 12-year old son be the cameraman for his tirade. It's that detail which makes it clear that not only is he a dumbass, but that he qualifies for an Unintelligent Design Award.

Oh, and the inveitable result is that the police showed up at his house with a battering ram, arresting him on charges of "aggravated assault, corruption of minors, terroristic threats and harassment." As if we couldn't have figured that out.

Read the full article here.

Road Trippin'

Well, we have our first post relating to a celebrity. I'm actually against paparazzi constantly following around "celebrities" (either real ones or the Hilton-type imaginary ones), but this was submitted to me by a reader and it does belong here. It's also a bit painful for me because I'm a fan of the guy's band.

Anthony Kiedis of the Red Hot Chili Peppers was seen driving in Los Angeles with his son strapped to his chest in one of those carrier thing-a-majigs. Unfortunately, it would not have protected the child in case of an accident. As a parent, he really should know better.

Check out the original article here.

Don't they have a "take your kid to work" program in Florida?

A woman in Florida decided that her pimp would be a good babysitter for her 1-year-old son. The problem is, the pimp took the boy hostage and demanded she whore him up $300.

Read the article here.

My babysitters worked for a few dollars an hour and a couple of microwave pizza pockets.

Edit: My girlfriend asked me why I posted this article. She said that anybody could have predicted this would happen if you leave a child with a pimp, so it isn't interesting. I responded that it's the fact that THIS WOMAN DIDN'T SEE IT COMING which qualifies her for an Unintelligent Design Award.

It'll be, like, sooooo cool! Every day will be a party!

A group of high school girls in Massachusetts decided it would be totally gr8 to all get pregnant and raise their babies together. In choosing a m8, one girl even determined that an ideal male compliment to her awesome genes would be a 24-year-old homeless guy.

rotflmao! imo u n ur bfs r so fckd 4evr! u'll c!

Check the full article here.

Watch it:



Later articles say the town's mayor is claiming there was no such pact, but that sounds like damage control to me.

Gotta make sure 'da beer don't get broke!

These two stories are a couple of months old or so, but I've included them as my first post since they inspired me to create this site.

A woman in Florida was pulled over for driving erratically and running a red light. When the officer approached the car, he found a case of beer strapped into the front seat with a seat belt, but an unrestrained one-year-old girl in the back seat. The woman was also drunk and had no license.

"Williams faces charges of driving under the influence, child endangerment, driving without a valid license, running a red light and not having a seat belt or child restraint."

Click here for the full article.

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Not to be outdone by some seppo, a driver in Alice Springs, Australia was pulled over by police, who found a case of beer securely strapped in, with a 5-year-old child on the floor.

"The 30-can carton was strapped in between the two adults sitting in the back seat of the car. The child was also in back, on the vehicle's floor."

But hey, it's OK if the kid isn't strapped in because he has insurance, right? Nope.

"The driver was fined for driving an unregistered and uninsured vehicle, and for failing to ensure a child was wearing a seat belt."

Check the full article here.

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These two losers make me wonder if we're going to need a separate category for giving your child's seat belt to the beer.